Claim now to receive you 5% smugness bonus!

Friends, Americans, Countrymen lend me your eyes. Kami joined the party a couple of weeks ago so I feel compelled to give y'all something to read. Did I just write y'all and not go back and delete it? Oh no, there I go again. It's good that I feel compelled to write because it means I am compelled to read and since I'm pretty useless at both of those things any guidance is helpful. I blame Kyle and Kiki for lending me other amazing books to read.

But can Donald Miller and Thomas Wright write better books than Jesus' old mate Matt? Well that's up for debate, but right now we have other more pressing matters things to discuss.

Don't do 'good' things where other people can see you doing them - is the message Jesus has for us at the start of installment 6. In Matt 6:2 he says you should do it in secret - God can see secret things that no one else can so why not do your good things there? I got to thinking that maybe it's a bit like when you have a secret den when you're a kid - oh come on you had a den - because it's secret and only you and your mate can go there that's suddenly where you want to do everything. Even things that don't need to be done in secret suddenly have to be just because you can. You wanna eat lunch? It should be done in the den. You wanna do your homework? Off to the den. You wanna do some knitting? no didn't think so. It's just because it's yours so you might as well make use of it. Maybe God is so pleased that only he can see things in secret he figures he ought to make good use.

Well it's a good thing that a friend of mine pointed out an important point to stop this stupid rant. No, there is probably more to it than the fact that secrecy has some Godly novelty value. Recently this friend has been telling me about one of the underlying themes of the bible - motive. I have always been a fan of the batman principle - "it is the sum of my actions which defines me", but there is clearly more to it than that. Perhaps it's the sum of the motives of your actions that defines you? If you buy up and orphanage and fix it up with the intention of selling it on at a profit, are you doing 'good' or not?

Well I think this is what Jesus is addressing - in this statement he challenges peoples motives. To paraphrase "All your good deeds aint worth jack, if you're just doing it to look good to others. So prove that's not the case by not telling them. Before you say it, God will still know so no excuses" (in this scene Jesus is being played by an american swamp farmer with 2 teeth and a straw hat).

This is actually surprisingly hard. I've been trying it recently - doing good things and not telling anyone. Obviously I cant tell you what they are, indeed this may be breaking the rules just to have mentioned it, but my motive is explanation so it's all good. Anyway, it's really hard! Although 90% of the feel good comes from the act, it's hard not to cash in the 5% smug bonus and 5% admiration reward. I guess no one said this would be easy.

On to the topic of prayer. This confuses me a lot. Jesus says that one should pray in private (matt 6:6) but I've been to a couple of church services and they seem to be very much into their public prayer. People do prayer circles and all sorts, and they seem to get a lot out of it. I always thought that the community aspect of christianity would encourage public prayer. Hmmmm, maybe it's a motive thing again. Maybe JC is saying, don't pray for the sake of other hearing, pray for the sake of God. I guess he's just gonna have the trust the little of ladies sitting around their coffee table saying grace before lunch - I'm sure they're not just showing off!

I never thought I'd say this but... Gordon Brown and Jesus Christ have something in common. Nope - it's not the fact that a whole race of people want to see Gordon Brown crucified. It's that they both agree we should spend spend spend! Gordon Brown thinks we can spend our way out of recession, well maybe he should draw on the wise words of Jesus. "Mr Speaker, if I may address the house. Our lord Jesus Christ once said 'Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.' So get down to your local shopping centre and buy some more junk you don't need at heavenly prices."

You cannot serve God and Money, apparently. Which is why the Catholic church has so much of it, they are looking after it to prevent commoners from being corrupted. You cannot serve God and Money but you can certainly serve him with it! Wow I am so cynical. This raises a more interesting point though, if you cannot serve two masters then what other masters must you give up in order to serve God? Can you serve friends and God? Can you serve family and God? Can you serve your partner and God? Eeeek I just don't know!

Matthew 6:25-34 is one of my favourite parts of Matt's book. So I'm going to say the least about it. Only that everyone should read it and love it. Jesus says not to worry, because it is all out of your hands. He says that there is nothing you can do by worrying, you cant add one single hour. Consider the lilies, they do not worry, God provides for them.

The cynic in me says that sometimes there are flash floods and the lilies get washed away and if only they had have worried enough to build themselves as little wall around their stem then maybe they would have been ok, and then I wonder where god was when the flood waters pulled up their roots and washed them into the river. But then I stop thinking and occupy myself with something less ridiculous.

Is it comforting to think that you have no control whatsoever? The Jury is out, and right now I'm still not casting a vote, it's a lovely if terrifying concept.

In the style of a Jerry Springer final thought I would like to leave you with Jesus' closing words: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Take care of yourselves, and each other.

My Useless Self

Wowsers - it has been a while. If I'm totally honest your humble narrator has been in no mood (nor state) to read, digest and comment recently. But today, heck, I'm back baby! It's been a day of really inspirational people picking me up, dusting me off and reminding me of a few home truths.

So lets see if the J-man has something inspirational to top the day off huh? We left our star sat a top a mountain with his mates with a brand new interpretation of some over-quoted scripture rattling round their heads. Better let the big man get back to the lesson.

Boy and Girls, turn your leather bounds to Matthew 5. Jesus is about to go on a rant about a whole (english) tonne of stuff. I'm not gonna go into all of it, just pick some bits out. He has some pretty high standards this Jesus fellow. Let's take his points on Murder. I dunno about you but I find murder quite tempting sometimes, I have a t-shirt that reads "some people are only alive because it's against the law to kill them", and sadly the sentiment isn't as far from the truth as you might hope! There are some terrible, frustratingly awful people about - just ask the Texan's, they go ahead and get rid of them. Whether seriously or not I'm sure most people have thought about what life would be like without someone in it. However to say that one should not murder another seems like a pretty sensible teaching.

But Jesus has to go one further. "I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment " (Matt 5:22). Woa - woa woa woa (sweet child of mine) - that's a pretty big ask. Not only can I not kill this terrible person but I can't even be angry? Or I can be angry but I'll have to be sorry for being so? I'm gonna find that pretty hard mate, wanna soften the blow a little? No. Apparently not. But Big J does go on to explain that this is as much to prevent you finding yourself in court as much as it is about anything spiritual (Matt 5:25-26). Maybe he was lookin out for those Texan judges who just can't resist. Still, I find it a bit strange that he brings up the legal system, he has no respect for the Pharisees, who by my (lack of) understanding were pretty involved in the whole legal system, religion and law being ever intertwined. So why bring it up? Was the thought of the gnashing teeth not enough to put the fear up the followers?

Adultery. This has been rattling around my head for quite a while. What on earth does he mean?! Here's the sentence I'm referring to: " If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." (Matt 5:29). He repeats the sentiment with the humble hand in the next line. So over looking the obvious 'maybe it's literal' - because that would be maaaaaaad - I struggle to read between the lines on on this one. If one part of you causes you to do something bad, disassociate yourself from it? If a gangster coats your feet in concrete and throws you in a lake, saw off your feet so you don't drown? Was Jesus preempting the Saw movie franchise?

I doubt it.

The only way I can read it that seems even slightly logical is to think that maybe he means that if you can't help but lust (that's the context of the sentence if you aren't familiar), then you should cut that person out of your life. If you just dont care what that hot girl from accounts' name is, if you couldn't give two hoots what that hunky fella's degree is in, then gouge them out of your life. Save the rest of your life by losing just that bit. If that IS what he is saying then wow, great advice it may be and I am strong enough? To cut ties with anyone I've found attractive? Maybe my interpretation of lust is different. Lets hope so.

Break through. Something Jesus and I agree on whole heartedly. Do not swear. No not bloody swear words. Don't swear by anything, let your word be your word and build a reputation by it. Wise word's champ.

Is it rude to call the Messiah 'champ'? Sure he'll get over it.

Now we get to one of the biggest thought provokers so far. I love this one. Love thy neighbour, but also love your enemy. What I love about this is that you hear it all the time, and most people (me included) think it's a ridiculous thing to say and when you ask the person who said it why on earth it's a good idea they will fob you off with some rubbish explanation like "We are all god's children, therefore we should love each other" that usually gets the response "well, i'll love these ones, you love those one's and we're all happy". But if these people who said it to me a) knew me and b) had actually read the passage, then they would know that there is a much better way to make me try it. I hate to shy away from a challenge, I don't much like being lowered to anyone's level, I like to think that I'm pretty good at most things, and if I'm not I usually will strive to at least hit the average mark.

Jesus says "If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?" (Matt 5:46-47).

That's it, point made - count me in! There really is nothing impressive, nothing to be proud of in loving people who are just like you. Where's the challenge? Across a 2000 year gap Jesus just threw a gauntlet at my feet (they hadn't even invented gauntlets yet!) and whether he knew it or not I'm not walking away from it. Today I helped a drunk Scotsman to order a taxi because the 'Pakis' (his word) couldn't understand his thick slurring Glaswegian. I did also point out (nicely) that it was as much his attitude and his drinking as their lineage that was causing most of the problem. Now you might think that a drunken Scot is not a massive venture from myself, but he certainly wasn't the sort of people I would usually stick around to chat to on the way to work. Small steps. Consider the challenge accepted.

I also love that Matty Boy the Tax Collector heard this slur on a blatant stereotyping of his career choice and instead of debating it, or indeed getting angry, he wrote it down for the world to read. Good boy!

In 5:14-16 Matt tells us of how Jesus sees people as like candles. You wouldn't light a candle just to hide it away - you make the most of it's power to illuminate by raising it high. Makes you think of the good Christians who are happy to sit in their houses and pray to be saved only venturing outside to attend church before hiding away from the world again to protect themselves from we heathen's terrible influence. Open the curtains - time to shine.

On the subject of candles I will entertain you with a poem. Let me set the scene. I'm in Florence with a small school party, we are on a writing week with world famous poet Carol Anne Duffy and author Jackie Kay. We are in the Duomo, if you haven't been - go. Miss Duffy sets us a writing task (I hate writing tasks) she says 'pick an object in the duomo and write a poem about it, you have an hour'. I hate forced poetry so naturally I spent 58 minutes actually enjoying looking around the cathedral and quickly throw together my poem before joining the group to 'share'. Carol Anne picked someone to read, they had chosen one of the statues - it was all about how the statue looked down on the people from overhead... blah blah blah. unfortunately for me Carol Anne already knew was a bit a cocky shit and decided that it would be best if I shared my poem too, she probably wasn't expecting what she got.

La Candella (thats italian ya know!)

Twinkle twinkle little candle,
You're so hot, too hot to handle
Next to you all things move slow-mo,
Twinkle twinkle in the Duomo.

Until next time, let's hope it's not another month,...